Forgetting one\u2019s soul-being is the experience required for the soul to manifest itself as a human being. This is fundamental to having the human experience and perceiving it as real, with all its limitations and circumstances. What we do not forget, however, is the connection to our essence: absolute love.<\/p>
When we enter human manifestation with the essence of absolute love, it is absolutely essential that we are first cared for and protected. This is further reinforced by the fact that we humans are the only mammals born into circumstances of extreme dependence and vulnerability. During our first seven years, we develop our personality, also known as our identity. During these years, we learn and try to understand what it means to be human. We learn from the people around us: our parents, our family, etc.<\/p>
As human beings, we must go through years of vulnerability during which we are entirely dependent on at least one adult to care for us; ideally, this is one or both parents. We learn to feed ourselves, to get back on our feet and to flee from whatever threatens our lives. Experiencing this dimension of vulnerability \u2013 and thus the accompanying connection to our essence \u2013 in our early years is of enormous importance, for we will have to return to it later on.<\/p>
Through our very being, we find our place in the world in which we live. As we grow up, it is often the case that we have to separate ourselves from our essence in order to \u2018survive\u2019. For as a child, love is a matter of survival. Without it, no human child can survive. Thus, we develop a survival personality that gives us the illusion of receiving the love we need from our trusted figure(s), with all the consequences that this entails later on. Our personality \u2013 or rather, the survival strategy we develop in the process \u2013 is a complex structure that goes hand in hand with defence mechanisms. These are our resources for survival; at this stage of our lives, they operate unconsciously, manifesting spontaneously whenever we need them.<\/p>
Slowly but surely, then, the original identity of the ‘Me that I am, as I came into being\u2019 \u2013 the ego, whose sole function is survival \u2013 begins to take the steering wheel. We develop a character, a personality, an identity which, drawing on its own resources, feels self-sufficient and secure in a world where we primarily experience a lack of love.<\/p>
If, for example, as a child we perceive that our parents are pleased when we behave well, bring home good marks and achieve success, then we will build our personality \u2013 which accompanies us into adulthood \u2013 on these qualities. Achieving success and not going against the grain secures the love of others.<\/p>
To do this internally means separating ourselves from our essence. It means separating ourselves from our hearts \u2013 and thus from our very being \u2013 and putting this aside in favour of the expectations of others.<\/p>
The experience of not getting what we need feels like a threat to our very existence. We have to distance ourselves from our feelings so as not to feel the pain.<\/p>
Love and pain go hand in hand. The experience of pain is an early experience. If we do not have the protection and support to process this pain, it poses a threat to the continuity of our psycho-emotional development. It opens the door to pathologies (personality disorders, psychoses) that threaten the continuity of our connection to the world as human beings.<\/p>
This disruption, this separation, the development of individualism \u2013 which arises from the need to look after myself and my wounds and to find meaning in them \u2013 helps me to find my bearings in this world and to receive the affection and attention from Mum and Dad, the love and protection I need.<\/p>
All of this is a learning process through which we develop an identity. We identify with our learning and, slowly but surely, become the character we had to create. In other words, we become our own personal story.<\/p>
If this process has been successful, we develop our neurosis, which protects us from other risks. In adult life, however, this structure reveals its consequences \u2013 its fundamental weaknesses \u2013 which we see in our interpersonal relationships. The more intimate the relationships are, the more these consequences are felt. These are the difficulties in letting go, in trusting, in loving; the search for love outside ourselves; and the attempt to apply the same strategies we used as children to obtain love. They are illusory elements of who we believed ourselves to be, and from this arises the suffering that we believe to be life itself. For this has been our experience from childhood onwards.<\/p>
There are many things that can alleviate this suffering. For example, all kinds of dependencies \u2013 on relationships, substances, work, one\u2019s own egocentric self, and the constant striving to become more and more important. In this case, it is actually a legacy from childhood: the feeling that we are not good enough and that we therefore need, for example, to improve our bodies and our CVs, which makes it more pleasant to belong and to be loved.<\/p>
So, in adulthood, because of this suffering \u2013 if it is severe enough and we cannot alleviate it any further \u2013 we are faced with the task of seeking solutions. This is not easy, as it means questioning ourselves and what we have done and had to do throughout our lives, acknowledging our mistakes, and recognising the things we ought to change. This is the breakdown of our personality in a profound emotional experience, which is linked to a great fear: the fear of being alone and abandoned in the world. This fear, which we carry within us from our defenceless existence as children \u2013 the fear that we cannot exist without the love of another, which we have worked so hard to secure through the strategies we have developed. It is still a matter of sheer survival. The fear of loneliness, of the cold, that no one is waiting for us on the other side when it\u2019s all over. These are the aftershocks of the experience. The fear of ceasing to exist. And now we are to let go of this strategy and trust that we are loved just as we are.<\/p>
It is the first great awakening. To realise that there is Something within me that needs to transform. Projecting this onto the outside world is ruled out \u2013 it is not others who are responsible, but myself. Only I can take this step for myself, though not alone, but with support. In a loving, non-judgemental relationship, so that, through my connection with another adult, I may experience that I am lovable just as I am.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Forgetting one\u2019s soul-being is the experience required for the soul to manifest itself as a human being. This is fundamental to having the human experience and perceiving it as real,…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":28803,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-28791","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-sin-categoria"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/ivonnegugel.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/28791","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/ivonnegugel.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/ivonnegugel.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ivonnegugel.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ivonnegugel.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=28791"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/ivonnegugel.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/28791\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":28795,"href":"https:\/\/ivonnegugel.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/28791\/revisions\/28795"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ivonnegugel.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/28803"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/ivonnegugel.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=28791"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ivonnegugel.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=28791"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ivonnegugel.com\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=28791"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}