All of our wounds are related to events and circumstances that are quite universal in this time in which we live in a state of emotional turmoil and in which our parents and grandparents have passed on to us their versions of the emotional neglect they themselves received. As children, we have interpreted this lack of love not as a failure on the part of our parents, but as a defect in ourselves that we need to fix. With the idea that if I change something in myself as a child and improve, I will get the love from my parents that I did not have. It is an illusory interpretation that the child makes from his perspective. From a psychological point of view, it is ‘cheaper’ than realising that the parents are wounded people who do not know what to do or where to go with their children either. That would be much more disruptive and painful for the child. In a way, taking responsibility for the parents’ dysfunctionality is a great resource at that age to preserve the integrity of the psyche. The first threat to the integrity of the psyche is that life has no meaning. The meaningless experience in childhood is that you are not loved, you are not welcomed with love, and therefore the healthiest response is to believe that one day you will achieve this when you manage to improve the characteristics that led you to interpret that you were not wanted and loved. This is a very deep belief that is at the basis of the constitution of our personality.
